It was only a moment ago
When I felt like a loser
It was not about winning the battle against pain
But the fear of losing my life
Time turned the whole world against me
And nothing seemed more impossible
Being in touch with my inner peace was not the same as being happy
I felt a sense of detachment from my surroundings
Deep inside my heart
I tried to re-establish my relationship with God
I found myself in true spiritual darkness
As I was not able to answer my own questions
I thought to question God
I was slowly losing the will to live
So I preferred to make silence as my fighting tool.
The days were following one another
And my cancer was killing me
Death was near
But I was falling in love with life again
I paid attention to the view from my bedroom window
I could see the snow covered pine trees
Every house was decorated with Christmas lights
The bottle of red wine in my closet
Wrapped gifts under the Christmas tree
Or the amazingly delicious red velvet cake
The glittering Christmas decorations on the front porch made me imagine
I might not live to see the next Christmas
I felt my surroundings were filled with deep peace and love
I closed my eyes to make a wish
I asked Santa Claus to give me the gift of eternal life.
Tears rolled down my cheeks
I tried to be calm, to sleep more easily
The next morning dawned bright and clear
I found a poinsettia plant in a golden pot next to my bed
I feltÖhow thoughtful of my family
But to my surprise it was Santaís Christmas present for me
I went closer to the golden pot
I could see my reflection in the flowers
The days were following one another
From Christmas to New Year
I tried to cherish every single day
The plant dropped its leaves gradually
I kept the fallen leaves in a basket
I watered the plant to refresh it
But I could not save it.
I understood the fascinating circle of life
God created us for a certain purpose (though we all are born to die)
The falling leaves of the plant around the golden pot
Had taught me the greatest lesson of my life
To remember the beauty of being alive
To relive the good memories in the difficult times
To enjoy the short journey from birth until death
The preserved fallen leaves of the poinsettia
Helped me to restore my happiness in the last days of my life
I began to cherish my morning walk with my wife
I enjoyed reading bedtime stories to my son
Every night I slept looking at the empty golden pot
It gave me the courage not to fear my pains
And then one fine morning I closed my eyes forever...
But I died with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.