Many years ago I had heard this joke about the guy who walked into the Ladies’ toilet in a Paris hotel. Having made the mistake and invited the ire of several shrieking females running out of the place, this chap decided to explore the ‘mysteries of the unknown’. The Automatic Perfume Spray (APS) was heavenly, the Applied Powder Puff (APP) made him woozy, before the ATR (Automatic Tampon Remover) landed him in a hospital. So when the potty seat started moving, literally under my backside, I was really scared.
I was in the Lufthansa Lounge at Frankfurt Airport. As I pushed the flush, the damned thing started rotating. Like a weird sci-fi contraption, the flexible seat convoluted and went ‘a full circle around itself’, so the fixture (at one end) could clean it. Enchanted, I pressed the knob again, and it repeated it’s jig. Thoroughly baffled now, I collected my pants quickly and got out before it could scrape my bums off. I had seen paper seat covers come down as one lowered the seat, but this was too much. Battery-operated toothbrushes and hand-held massagers – that work when pressed to the body – are passe’. Even water jets to clean up the underside are common…but this? What would they think of next? I remember the time I sat in the front seat of a new 1983 Toyota Cressida, and suddenly the seat-belt slithered around me without as much as an ‘excuse me’ - scaring me no end. On my first visit to the US, my friend quietly pressed the garage door remote, saying ‘Ramu’ would do the job and I needn’t get down from the car. Then there was the amazing Coke vending machine at a Tokyo station, which gave you the choice of a can or a glass, with or without ice (cubes or crushed) – all at the press of a button. But the darned potty thing was really far out! Perhaps the next time I wake up in a Japanese or German hotel, my bowels would have been cleared, teeth cleaned and stubble removed; I would be showered, and a hot cup of coffee – black, white or with sugar - would be ready on the bed side table.
Read More...