Angel, 16, lives with her mother and a pet in Aralias, one of the poshest condominiums of the City. She travels in a shiny new BMW 5. She doesn’t want to go to college. She always looks a little withdrawn. She feels extremely depressed at times and says that her life is not worth living. She is not the only rich child in the City to feel this way. Dr. Natasha Chugh, City-based psychiatrist, says that she treats four to five wealthy, yet unhappy, children a week. “It may seem that these children don’t have any clear reason to be depressed. It is not related to their studies or careers; their stress arises due to the abundance of money! Such children are often brought up being told that they need not worry about anything in life, and that money can take care of everything. Their every whim is taken care of – gratified - instantly. Some of these children therefore tend to have no aim or goal in life; they just drift. This causes stress, which gradually takes the shape of Depression,” she says. Yes, Depression is now no longer an adult phenomenon. Increasing Depression among children is undoubtedly the product of a ‘post-modern’ society. This society is not ambitious to achieve; they just want everything - the members lack purpose. Many of the young generation in the Millennium City seem to live a post-modern life. Their parents are even a step ahead; having ‘made it’ in life, they now have time for just themselves. They believe that their basic duty to their children is to ensure that they do not go through the hardships experienced by them. They can afford to pamper their children, like the rich of old. There is no time or inclination to inculcate some essential values in their children, which are needed for a rooted, balanced and healthy life. They fail to teach them there is more to life than drinks, gadgets and cars.
There are some who are different of course. Puneet Srivastava, an investment banker who was born and brought up in the City, referring to his childhood, says, “The City of dirt, danger and determination that I saw as a child was far more interesting than the Millennium City of today. The 90s were the time of politics, poverty, joint families and strong social ties.” He feels that the nouveau riche, like the rich of old, have two basic approaches to raising their children; they either spoil them or make them realize the immense value of money. Puneet left the City in 1998, but divides his time between London, where he is working, and his village in ‘old’ Gurgaon. Although his daughters have all the luxuries, they get a set allowance each month so that they learn to manage their expenses. In another family, a teenager, Sukhdeep (name changed), usually clad in Prada and Gucci, prefers to drive a Lamborghini or a Jaguar. He doesn’t like his school. He spends most afternoons in his apartment, slumped on the couch, drinking beer and smoking pot. Some three months ago, after an alleged attempt at suicide, his parents took him to a psychiatrist at Medanta. Everybody who knew him was shocked. Despite all the comforts and luxuries, what made Sukhdeep take such an extreme step? “It was a case of extreme Depression. The reason was not clear to his parents, not even to Sukhdeep. In his first session he said that he had always got what he wanted and it will always be like this, so why should he study. Actually, the abundance of money, the instant gratifications, had led to a feeling of emptiness and a lack of purpose in his life. In pursuit of happiness, he just kept moving from one thing and person to another. He had many childhood love affairs. He even started taking drugs,” informs his physiatrist, Dr. Poonam Dayal. After two months, Dr. Dayal discovered that a failed relationship with a girl had led him to attempt suicide.
The primary need is to understand the difference between Depression and sadness. There are different types of Depression. Events like natural calamities and the loss of a loved one can make anyone sad. It is also common to feel sad when things don’t go right in school or in a relationship. The danger is when the simple act of living becomes tough and small issues like a raised voice make a child feel worthless and rejected. If the parents have healthy interaction with their children on a regular basis, they should be able to notice the change in their child’s behaviour. "A child who is unhappy about a friend who treated him/her badly should normally get over it in a couple of days. But if he/she sticks to the matter and keeps the grudge for a long time, there is something wrong. Depressed children tend to keep grudges for a longer period of time - say three to four weeks, and sometimes for years," says Dr. Chugh.
The symptoms and causes of Depression vary across age groups. Even children younger than six can get depressed; but their depression often reflects the mental state of their primary caregiver, usually their nannies. Recounting a case, Dr. Dayal says, “These days many children are raised by nannies, not mothers. A mother came to me with her four-year-old son who used to remain sad most of the time. The mother also noticed his self-destructive behaviour, when he hit himself with a sharp pencil. After three sessions I found out that the child remains with his nanny for more than 10 hours a day. The nanny was going through chronic depression, due to a sour relationship with her husband and her economic condition. She was also undergoing treatment at a government hospital. She used to cry, and sometimes hurt herself with sharp objects in front of the child. All this led to the depression in the little one.” Besides, there are many cases where the mother is the primary agent of depression in children; day-to-day stress in mothers can also lead to depression in the child. If a child sees stressful or self-destructive behaviour, he/she feels extremely depressed. In pre-teens (children between the age of seven and twelve), depression often starts with anxiety. Anxiety among children is serious, as it can be toxic to the brain. Parents should therefore be aware about various types of anxieties and their symptoms. There are mainly three main types of anxieties:
Separation anxiety - It is most common among the pre-teens. If there is a deep-seated fear in a child’s mind, he/she may often feel acute headaches, stomachaches or diarrhoea. The pain actually comes from their brains. If medical tests of the intestine, stomach and brain fail to provide any cause of regular aches or diarrhoea, it could be a case of anxiety. The need is to visit a psychiatrist before the anxiety turns into Depression.
Social phobia - Some children feel extremely uncomfortable in social gatherings. They only like to talk to their parents and siblings. Parents should go for an anxiety diagnosis if a child continues to feel and act so till the age of 11.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder - If a child worries excessively about his/her looks, future or peer pressure, he/she might be suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder. "A child was extremely worried about his basketball match in school. He was preparing hard for the match, but was extremely worried about his performance in the final. He jumped from the first floor of his school’s building and broke his ankle, so that he could avoid participating in the match. This was a clear case of Generalized Anxiety leading to Depression,” informs Dr. Chugh.
Symptoms for depression in teenagers are very different. In their case, chronic stress turns into Depression in most of the cases. Some teenagers don’t express their feelings easily, be it in front of parents, teachers or even their friends. It therefore becomes a challenge for the parents to know if the child is depressed or just going through ‘mood swings’. Some of the common symptoms of Depression among teenagers are:
Persistent boredom and low energy - The most common symptom is the inability to enjoy. Teenagers are generally very fond of parties, sports and outstation trips with friends. If a child shows no interest in any of these, he/she could be stressed. Besides, if a child feels ‘low’ most of the times, it may not be a deficiency of iron or protein. It could be stress, which may lead to Depression.
Low self-esteem and guilt - The children who feel that they are not worth anything are often found to be stressed. Dr. Chugh says, “The first question that we ask such children is, ‘Are you important to somebody?' If they say ‘no’, they are surely undergoing a lot of stress”. If a child experiences frequent physical illnesses, such as headaches and stomachaches, for no real cause, it could be a case of extreme stress.
Self-destructive behaviour - It is a clear indication of Depression. Doctors inform that many teenagers take to drugs with an objective of self-destruction. Dr. Chugh further explains, “Self-destruction is not necessarily an attempt to commit suicide. There are cases where children refuse to recognize their family members, as they want to live alone and suffer with their loneliness.”
“In India, even the most educated families are not aware about the dangers of Depression. They never associate physical illness among children with their mental state. So the most important step is to spread awareness, not just about the causes of Depression, but also its symptoms and possible treatments,” feels Dr. Dayal. Children these days often come across depressing situations. Sometimes parents are neglectful or separated. Sometimes the children have so much material comfort that they don’t respect moral values or follow societal rules. These situations don't necessarily create Depression, but they create behavioural problems among the children. These children may become rambunctious, unhappy and emotionally weak - and all this can lead to Depression. Therefore, it is important to take precaution, to be preventive. Parents need to have friendly interactions with their children, so that they know what is going on in their lives. There is an urgent need to inculcate moral values in children. As the City, and society, has lost the concept of joint families, parents should take on the responsibility of what was once done by the grandparents.
Most of the depressed children also don’t seem to have any role models in life. When asked about his role model, Sukhdeep says, “I don’t want to become an entrepreneur like my father. I don’t want my sister to dress up like my mother and spend half of her life in kitty parties. I don’t think actors and sportsmen can become my role models, as I have no interest in sports and cinema.” Dr. Dayal suggests, “Situation can’t be changed overnight, but we are trying our best to involve him in some constructive activities such as gardening, painting and writing. Initially he found it funny and completely declined the idea of sowing seeds in his garden. But on Friendship Day, when he was looking for gifts for his friends, we suggested that he plant roses and gift flowers from his garden to his friends – along with a personal note. He liked the idea. We have seen tremendous recovery in just three weeks.”
Unfortunately, many children these days have valid reasons to feel depressed, as their parents have no time for them. While the cause of suicide varies from case to case, the cause of Depression is most likely to be the neglect by the parents or society, and a lack of purpose in life. It seems that the growing Depression among children is the product of over-pressured and over-scheduled families. Parents should understand that children don’t only need world-class schools, expensive cars and world tours, but their time and understanding - the most.
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